I was born a rebel but not in your typical sense. I wasn’t the angsty teen outright defying my parents, teachers, or other authority figures. I was rebellious in that I knew what the rules of being human were and I didn’t always agree with them.
When I wasn’t even in my double-digit years, I convinced my best friend to walk the horse trail near her house. I had heard it could bring us all the way to Naugatuck! While I didn’t understand the concept of 20 miles at that age, I knew it was far.
Did I ever consider that at that young age, I might not be able to make it? Did I ever consider that harm might befall us? Did I think ahead to what would happen when we got there? Nope. My rebel attitude has always been a little bit, “fuck around and find out (FAFO).”
And, we did make it – uneventfully. Sure, I probably got in trouble after my parents picked me up much later that day but I don’t remember that part. I do remember the freedom and joy that came from the adventure.
When I was getting ready to graduate high school the inevitable question was asked, “What are you going to do?” especially when people heard I was taking a gap year. My response, “I don’t know. It’s pretty exciting!” All I knew is that I was ready to experience life. To have regular adventures.
During that gap year, I decided to move to Florida where I barely knew anyone. Weeks before the big move the most common questions I got were, “Do you have a place to live?” “Do you have a job?” “Do you have a car?” And my answer to them all was, “Nope” without a quiver in my voice.
The week before the move, I was offered a job at a travel agency and a room to rent. Within 2 weeks of being there, I bought my roommates car. Four months later, I said yes to relocating with my company to Atlanta. That adventure ultimately led me to having front row seats to the 1996 Olympics. At 21 years old, I was on top of the world.
When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at 24, my inner rebel decided after a few years of being sick that it was no way to live. So, once again I followed her guidance and ultimately healed myself. Her guidance got me off all medication in just a few months. What a different life I’d be living (or not at all) if I hadn’t decided to FAFO.
This inner rebel also led me on two incredible hug journeys where I got to deeply experience the beautiful mess that is humanity. (want to know more about those? Follow my substack!)
Even though I had all those adventures with her, I spent many years attempting to silence her. During those years, I wasn’t in the space to act on the risks she wanted me to take. I silenced her because the pain of hearing what was possible (but I was unwilling to do) was too great.
Despite all my attempts at silencing her, I continued to hear her muffled screams. Yet, it took the confinement of a pandemic to be the final twist on the vice that held me captive in that comfort zone for my inner rebel to finally break free.
That led to the very thing I feared. Divorce. My inner rebel didn’t feel free enough to FAFO within the confines of marriage, so while I still deeply love my ex-husband, she knew freedom from that institution was the next path.
It was one of the hardest decisions of my life but also led to the greatest adventure I’ve been on yet; discovering my own sovereignty.
We all have an inner rebel. Some whose influence is greater than others but always a voice that is gently urging, “I know this doesn’t make sense, but do it anyway.”
This inner rebel will always lead you to the greatest adventures of your life. Ones that at first may have you wondering, “What the hell did I just do?” but eventually, inevitably to the greatest awe-inspiring moments of yourself and your life.
I suspect, like me, you didn’t come into this life for comfort. I expect you came here for the adventure.
One thing I’ve learned is that I do need others to fuck around and find out. I’ve needed them for support, encouragement, and guidance.
When you are ready to reclaim your inner rebel and step forward on your next great adventure, message me. My inner rebel can’t wait to meet yours.
